February 14, 2009
It was the spring of 1972. It was the time of Watergate. I was in the Gerstenzang Science Library at Brandeis University when this very beautiful young student came up to my table and asked if she could study at the opposite corner. We talked about how difficult it was to be pre-med. She was a sophomore and I a junior. She said that she wanted to become a doctor and that she had worked last summer as a nurses aide at a nearby hospital. She was not sure that she would be able to do well enough in her studies to be admitted to medical school. Her name was Janet and at that time I thought that she would be a wonderful girlfriend. I told her that if she studied with me she could do it. We became lovers and partners in advancing through Brandeis University where we worked in the SSIS (student sexuality information service which assisted young women with getting information about reproductive issues.) We worked as orderly and nurses aide at nearby hospital and we applied to medical schools. We lived together and when we made arrangements to rent an apartment together for a second summer together Janet’s father, from the old school got upset and wanted to know what my intentions were toward his daughter. I remember him saying, “If the milk is free, why buy the cow.” Janet and I wanted to stay together and it was important at that time to stay on good terms with our parents. We decided to get married and to continue using birth control. Our studying and hard work paid off and Janet followed my path through college at Brandeis, medical school at Mount Sinai and OBGYN residency at the University of Miami. We got married after I completed my first year in medical school.
I loved the first two years of medical school. I always had so many questions about the human body and how it worked, how it functioned in health and disease, and how diseases were treated. I studied every waking hour and I won an award for being the best student in the first two years of medical school. Janet and I lived in a dormitory attached to the Mount Sinai Hospital. We had a room that was 10 feet by 12 feet and a waterbed. One night I came back from the library to the room and found Janet crying. I asked her to tell me what was wrong. At first she would not tell me. I insisted that she tell me. She told me that while she was at the library she met a psychiatry resident who started talking to her and who asked her to join him for a cup of coffee in the cafeteria. He affected Janet and stirred up some emotions. He made a play for her. Janet could not reject him outright. I told her that she could solve this problem simply by calling him and telling him that she was married and could not see him and by looking me straight in the eye and telling me that she loved me. We stayed up all night. She cried and told me that she could not do what I asked. I took her to a psychiatrist the next day. I don’t know what was said. We functioned. We studied but we never resolved this conflict.
Years later when we completed Medical School we moved to Miami to do our residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology. I started in the summer of 1978 and Janet had to stay in New York to complete her last year at Mount Sinai. She was accepted to the same residency program one year behind me. We did surgery together. We worked at the rape treatment center. We worked day and night seven days a week. I would return from work and she said to me, “You can’t complain…. I do the same thing as you.” When I was sick with a 102 fever she said, “How am I going to explain to the other residents that you are not going to take call?” When the discussion of children came up, Janet insisted that we take equal role in child care. I disagreed and we never resolved this conflict.
We grew apart as we grew into our roles as complete physicians. Finally, as I began the final year of my residency I moved out of our apartment. We still worked well together. We agreed to get a divorce the next year. We were operating together the next day after finalizing our divorce. Janet has divorced and remarried twice since. She has a successful practice in South Miami. She is the mother of triplet girls who must be teenagers by now. About six months after I moved to Fort Myers and was lying in bed with your mother, Janet called to tell me that she was divorcing husband number 2 and that she had not realized until then how good I was for her.
Your grandfather, Papa has his back to the camera in the picture that is in our bedroom where you walk into the bathroom. It looks as if he is marrying us. What he is saying is “The best thing that the two of you have going for you is that you both have had failed marriages and that you will not take each other for granted.”
Your mother is the best thing that ever happened to me. She met me at the right time. She picked me up at the airport when I came to Fort Myers. It was immediately clear that having and caring for her children was all that mattered to her. She has her own story to tell you. We have truly been blessed with our children. We loved making you and growing you. You have been our whole life. Everything was centered around you. We never sent you to sleep- away camp because we enjoyed being with you so much.
When you and Joshua left for college there was an emptiness and we have been trying hard to fill it.
We have done so many great things together. Fantasy Isles, Jungle Larry’s, Ben and Jerry’s, Biltmore Home and Gardens, Half Dome and Lambert Dome, Busch Gardens and Apollo‘s Chariat, Callaway Gardens, Saddlebrook, Minorca, Zip-Lining, Rome, Alaska, Bahama Hair Braiding, The Space Needle, Hershey Factory, Harley Factory, the Boeing Factory, Back-Packing in Aspen and the Grand Tetons, San-Francisco, Deep Sea Fishing in Fort Myers and in Cabo San Lucas, the Big Onion Tours in New York City, Hearst Castle, Big Sur, Monterey, Washington State and Washington City. There are so many more.
Your mother and I never took our eye off you until you went away to college. We never stopped loving you. We want our girl back. When I was at breakfast at the Embassy Suites the other morning I saw a little girl in a snowsuit with little ears on it which reminded me of you in the Teddy Bear Picnic. I cried.
We were and still are good parents, Danielle. We know that you are in a lot of pain and will do everything to help.
Love,
Dad
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